A – a letter to Anorexia

[My apologies for the delay in blog posts, but you know how busy life can sometimes get, and I would rather write a quality post, or at least attempt to, when I am not dashing about the place like a headless chicken on recreational drugs.]

 

Hello, anorexia.

Let’s pretend for a little while that you are human, and not a mental illness cloaked in a black hoodie and scythe.

You would make an utterly brilliant politician. All of those magnificent yet empty promises, the never-ending lies and backtracking, the ineffective policies that cost more than they benefit, the hypocrisy that you refuse to acknowledge.

Yet, like most politicians, despite blatant ineptness, you are somehow… very persuasive. And powerful. You amass supporters with ease. Great big chunks of the internet are dedicated to your policies. You have your own hashtag, for crying out loud. There are even some people who think you’re a bit of a celebrity: glamorous, attractive, they so dearly want to embody you. Your subjects are often fiercely loyal and highly competitive. No other politician but you will demand such high standards, such perfection, such dedication.

Election time comes back around, but you don’t need to campaign. You remain in power, despite being asked to step down. Your ‘no’ is stronger than theirs. You are a dictator now. You oppress. You terrorise. You tear people apart, gram by gram. You kill and maim. Yes, there is opposition: there are many who rebel and try to show your followers your true monstrosity. But your doctrine has leached into our culture. Your ideology is acceptable in magazines, on social media, in the school playground.

I am not afraid of you anymore… but your power is frightening.

You can defy physics and make your subjects see things on their body that aren’t there.

You metastasize in someone’s brain like a tumor, and replace compassion with revulsion. You pinch, bruise, cut, scrutinise, faint, purge, shiver, sweat, torture.

You manipulate logic and reality. Numbers are warped, death is life, loved ones are conspirational, hatred is good, weakness is strength. The distinctions between you and them continue to blur until you take everything from them and leave behind a lonely, cold, and limited existence.

I know that your followers didn’t even vote for you in the first place. There was corruption right from the beginning. Hell, they could have been on another planet and you still would have found them.

You tell your victims that you give them control, we both know that’s not true. Control is being able to command and make the right choice. How is it control if choices are governed by fear of persecution? How is it control if hunger is ignored, rest is refused, warmth is denied, gentleness is rejected? That is bullying, not control. They are not in power, you are. After all, how else could one think that death is a better option than saying no to you? How are you helping them, when you push them to their limits and beyond, in such a way that all that is eventually left is loss and pain? You say that you provide a solution, but we both know that it was you who made up the problem.

Still… you should be afraid of my power too.

I admit, I know that you can’t be beaten by words. Simple promises made to oneself that this is the last day of restriction, this is last day of over-exercising, no more suffering, time to get serious… they hold no power over you unless they are followed through.

But I also know that you can be fooled through actions and love. Strength and dedication wears you down. Yes, you will make an escape from your empire as miserable, terrifying and difficult as possible, but it’s your loss – you will never see the light that the escapees get to see when they make it out. It’s a special type of light, only for them. It’s one that is deserved for bravery and fortitude. It’s made up of joy, freedom, pride, life, hope, peace, health. It’s made up of realisations that birthday cakes are good, not annoying; resting is relaxing, not troubling; food is a pleasure, love is allowed, and acceptance is okay. Out of your clutches, there is no guilt, there is so much less pain, there is the true sense of lightness.

Dictators can fall, and I toppled you long ago. It did take a lot of time, energy and courage, but on the other side, it’s easy to see how pathetic you are.

Sucks to be you, loser.

Bye.

 

 

Hello dear readers, I hope you liked this! A bit more literate than normal, but that’s what happens when creative juices get bottled up, hahaha. I encourage you to comment, like and share. Also a couple of people commented on this blog recently, for which I say many thanks for your kind messages, they made my day and I truly appreciate them.

 

 

 

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “A – a letter to Anorexia

  1. This is really well written. It’s so important to acknowledge how difficult recovery is. It’s so easy to compare yourself to others who may have gotten further in life already but it’s important to acknowledge that there is a valid reason for that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is really well written. It’s so important to acknowledge how difficult recovery is. It’s so easy to compare yourself to others who may have gotten further in life already but it’s important to acknowledge that there is a valid reason for that.

    Like

  3. Pingback: B – ‘To the Bone’ [A Discussion] | ENCYLOPEDIA OF RECOVERY

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s