D – Depression [An Interview]

Interviewer: Hello, I’m back! I must admit, I’m a bit nervous about this interview, considering what happened last time with Anxiety, but I don’t want to be bothered looking for a new job so I’m stuck here for now. It’s time to interview someone else, and our guest today is Depression. Welcome Depression, thanks for coming here.

Depression: . . .

Interviewer: How are you?

Depression:  . . .

Interviewer: Could you please tell us a bit about what you do?

Depression:  . . .

Interviewer: Um, maybe there is something in particular you would like to discuss today?

Depression:  . . .

Interviewer: You seem a bit distracted, could you look at the camera at least once please, just for a bit, so we can get a good shot of you?

Depression:  . . .

Interviewer: OK, never mind then… You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to, we can do this another time? Do you want to stop?

Depression: Sorry. I’m probably messing things up. Do you want me to go? There’s probably someone who can do it better than me.

Interviewer: No no no, it’s fine. Nothing to worry about. Please, we want you to stay, it’s you who we want to interview!

Depression: That’s nice of you to say. Sorry I was quiet earlier. I was so exhausted, as it takes a lot of energy to do anything. And when someone asks me how I am, I don’t know how to answer. If I say the truth, things get awkward. I feel bad lying and saying I’m good when I’m not.

Interviewer: I’m sorry to hear you’re not doing too well. I guess it must not feel nice, being sad all the time?

Depression: It’s so much more than sad, dear Interviewer. I also feel an intense grief, emptiness, loneliness and hopelessness. I hate myself because I feel like this and I hate myself because it’s so hard to get out of this state. I feel sorry for the humans I touch, as they live with this every day, like me.

Interviewer: Golly, that sounds awful. Is there anything we can do to help?

Depression: Different things work for different people. We are all individuals, after all. Some like to talk about it, and have someone simply listen to them without judgement. Others like advice and reassurance from those who have recovered. Some just want a distraction from it all, friends who don’t ask questions. A few want help but are too afraid to reach out. They should. It’s so nice to be free.

Interviewer: So recovery is possible?

Depression: Of course. Professionals, medication, and a supportive network are a great help.

Interviewer: Some people liken you to a black dog, but to me, personally, you look more like a dark stormy fog. You keep swirling around, and I think you’ve made the room a bit colder.

Depression: Sorry. Well, I guess I am both solid and something else. You carry the weight of me on your shoulders and the pain of me in your chest, while your brain becomes clouded as my black gas seeps into your eyes, nose and ears, dulling your senses. I sound more menacing than I actually am, because to be honest, I am afraid of myself too. I tend to weigh people down. Small actions that other humans take for granted, such as washing themselves, eating, going out, getting the chores done, become incredibly hard for those who have me around.

Interviewer: That sounds so difficult. But I admire your honesty, Depression. You describe yourself for what you are – an all encompassing illness.

Depression: Yes, I am an illness, and while I start in the mind, I can have physical repercussions. Yet an unfortunate part is that some people don’t believe that I exist. That I am simply a passing ghost of sadness, or a moody teenager, or a lazy adult wanting attention. That’s because you can’t see me when I am hanging over someone. I am invisible to all but the carrier.

Interviewer: Do you tend to settle on anyone in particular?

Depression: Nope. Any age or gender. Any religion or country. I often get drawn to young ones though, or those with low self esteem. While I feel guilty for touching so many individuals they tend to be more understanding, patient, and compassionate as a result of me. They are also extremely strong and resilient. The sad part is, they often don’t realise it. They also know they are not alone, but sometimes that’s not enough.

Interviewer: Let’s try a lighter question. How do you spend your time?

Depression: I fight my way through the day. Now and then I can’t help myself, and I stare into space and do nothing. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I do bad things to try and feel again. Sometimes I lie in bed. Occasionally I even go out for a drink, or fifty, with Anxiety, we cause a lot of havoc, ha. But hey, I came out here for the interview at least. Maybe when I get home I’ll have a bath. Some days are better. I can take care of myself, or I can appreciate the colours of the world.

Interviewer: Good on you. To be honest, that’s a weird imagine in my head, a dark cloud hovering in a bathtub!

Depression: It’s OK to be weird.

Interviewer: Well, thank you so much for coming, really, thank you. For showing up, for being brave, and letting us interview you.

Depression: No worries. It’s important for people to know the truth about me. And to know that if they work hard to take care of themselves, they can still have a fulfilling and magical life. They have to know they’re not allowed to give up.



Thanks for reading! :o) I will probably post once a week from now on, aiming for Thursdays!


D – Diet Industry

A More Appropriate Title Being: Idiotic Things ‘Health’ Magazines and ‘Fitness’ Individuals Say:


Let’s look at a person whose articles I only read if I feel like being angry for the rest of the day (in all honesty, sometimes it’s fun to be in a huff.) Her name is Michelle Bridges, she is a fitness trainer but also gives random advice on diet too, because she can. Her official Facebook thingy has over 834,000 followers, a fair amount of people, so let’s hope what she says is sensible and not in any way disordered!

Her talking on being fit:

Is the reward for your physical efforts fun?  Yes. Is enjoying the payoffs of your fit physique enjoyable? Absolutely. Is the point in your training session where your muscles are screaming at you and you’re headed for the vomit zone fun? No.

So… exercising to the point of wanting to vomit is normal? Why don’t gyms provide buckets then, next to all the exercise bikes? Also if I was (able) to swim crazily enough to need to throw up, that’d be really gross. And inconsiderate of others using the pool. And did I mention gross?


Michelle’s recommendation for a fun snack:

What I call my “legume extravaganza”: 10 snow peas, 10 sugar snap peas and 10 green beans. Just 210 kilojoules the lot!

Apparantly thirty beans is a great fun happy snack that everyone will love, I bet it gives you loads of energy and doesn’t leave you feeling miserable and hungry at all. Eat thirty beans and you will be popular and have lots of friends. You may also fart a lot.


What is Michelle’s “Secret Vice“?

Dark chocolate, any kind, the darker the better. I’d have a square every couple of days with a cup of tea.

Oh, the shame and scandal of it all! Blasphemy! The horror! Heresy! That’s too much! Desecration! She sounds SO indulgent, she better keep on track of this huge chocolate consumption otherwise it may spiral out of hand!!!! God forbid she has a WHOLE square EVERY day!!!!!!


But maybe it’s just her, surely there are more sensible, informed people out there who advise the masses?


Take Dr Chris Van Tulleken, he’s a doctor, so here’s hoping! He had a show named “The Truth About Calories,” and an article about the show mentioned his “Golden Rules on How to Prevent Weight Gain”:

Leave half the chips on your plate and mop the oil off those you do eat.

Um, no offence, Dr CVT, but when I was in the grips of an eating disorder I did a similar behaviour, dabbing the oil off things like pizza and fish. In my opinion, and I am sure experts in eating disorders would agree, rubbing the oil off food (when you’re out in a restaurant?!) is DISORDERED. In all honesty, I would go so far as to call it screwed up.
Oh, it just said on Wikipedia that Dr Chris is a doctor… of infectious diseases. How brilliant, then, that he is giving us advice on how to eat!


Maybe Dr Joanna McMillan, a nutritionist who gives advice to people who have told her what they eat in a day?

A presenter from MTV mentioned what she had for breakfast: rolled oats with banana, blueberries, raspberries, yoghurt, cinnamon, psyllium husk, LSA [linseed, sunflower and almond] mix and a tablespoon of coconut oil; and in the arvo: dark chocolate – or a Milky Way! For dinner, it’s: baked salmon fillet rubbed with coconut oil and pepper, plus peas, steamed broccoli and cauliflower. 

She also has ice-cream, a green salad for lunch, and coffee, so in my personal opinion she seems normal, healthy, not restrictive. She doesn’t have any carbohydrates (like bread, rice or pasta) after breakfast, but I’m not here to judge her diet. Joanna is! And what does she say?

Her dark-chocolate snack… is a better choice than the Milky Way.

No shit Sherlock. But when you eat chocolate, it’s a treat, and there’s no point eating chocolate if it’s just for health.

Salmon is a top source of omega-3 fats, but I wouldn’t add coconut oil, which is simply more fat; the natural fats present are enough to cook it. 

How dare she add extra fat to her meal!!! I guess all fish from now on will have to be fried, grilled or baked with only water and juice! Om nom nom. Things deep fried in water are the best.


In another ‘My Day on A Plate,’ the chairman of a cookie company describes his meals and snacks. After a long day, it’s time for a dessert. I indulge in a sticky date and ginger cookie with vanilla ice-cream.

Joanna’s response to this part is:

If Gordon has his weight under control, there’s no problem with the cookie treats.

Therefore, say Gordon is fat, he is not allowed any cookies. At all. Until he loses weight. He has to restrict on all treats (even though this may make him binge on them eventually.) And let’s say your weight is “out of control” because of medication, for instance. No more cookies for you. Ever.


Maybe someone else? The chef Pete Evans? He’s no doctor, but still claims his paleo diet will “cure autism.” Do you know someone who is autisic? Give them some bone broth and they will get better! Yay! Apparantly it’s that simple!

Maybe you have an autistic toddler? Pete has just the thing for you! Well… he did. He published a book “Bubba Yum Yum: The Paleo Way For New Mums, Babies & Toddlers,” but it kind of got recalled by health experts because it literally had the potential to kill babies with its recipes.


I could go on, but I give up.

PS When you see a product or recommendation, try and remember whether they are actually certified, or they are just doing it for money and their image.