S – Self Harm

Today, I’m going to talk about something that sends parents into a panic, makes teachers confused, doctors worried and draws weird looks when talked about in public.

Self harm.

Actually, the topic of this article is obvious from the title but whatever, I was attempting for a dramatic opening. Anyway.

I’m not talking about tattoos, piercings or plot aspects of 50 Shades of Grey, I’m talking about the type of self harm that is used in an attempt to manage intense mental pain and suffering. It may involve cutting, burning or hitting oneself, but alcohol/drug abuse and eating disordered behaviours can also be used in this cocktail of self-damaging behaviours.

In my personal experience, there is a taboo and stigma surrounding this behaviour that is even stronger than other aspects of mental illness. This is rather annoying as it makes it even more difficult to talk about, and increases any feelings of loneliness/beliefs of screwedupness. The emotions that surround the action, whether they be guilt, shame, anger, regret, fear or relief need to be discussed with someone trustworthy. I understand that people can be sensitive to the topic and urges can be easily triggered, but self harm needs to be talked about so people can get the necessary support for not only stopping it, but also finding something less, uhm, harmful, to replace it – as self harm is basically just a warped kind of coping mechanism.

You see, it is not a shallow form of seeking attention, rather a desperate cry for help. Sometimes it is used to temporarily silence extremely aggressive and cruel thoughts. Other times it is bowing down and conforming to unhappy ideas of self-loathing and self-hatred. Occasionally it is used in a desperate attempt to relieve anxiety and provide a moment of distraction, or bring someone back to reality if they have trouble gripping onto it. For me, at times self harm was a physical expression of my mental pain. It was hard having an eating disorder that no one could see (due to being a ‘normal’ weight), and even harder having my depression questioned by people wondering how it was possible that ‘someone like me’ could have it. So self injury made it real, physical, and validated my ideas that no, I was not OK, just because my illness was invisible, it didn’t mean I wasn’t suffering greatly. In the end, however, self harm can just become another habit and you may not know why you are doing it anymore.

While self harm (or SH, as I am getting tired of typing out the same words again and again) provides a unique and intense form of relief, it’s important to know that it just simply isn’t worth it. In the long run, you may come to greatly regret it.

1. SH is extremely addictive. It may not seem so at first, but trust me, over time, any sense of relief will get less and less. Soon you will find yourself resorting to more extreme methods on more vulnerable areas of the body, doing it more frequently and more severely… it is actually just like an addictive drug where you need more to get the same effect.
2. It is not a cure for your illness and won’t help you to get better in any way, shape or form. In fact, it can reinforce any feelings of low self-esteem and strengthen any ideas of worthlessness. It can slow down your recovery and impact the quality of your life.
3. It’s bloody dangerous (hah, get it? Bloody?… Oh… poor taste? …OK, I’ll move on.) Most people who self harm aren’t doing it in a suicide attempt, however it strongly increases the risk of suicide and thoughts of it. Studies also show that self harm can lead to accidental death, one such study found that out of 30 000 people who had been hospitalised for self harm between 2000-2007, over 13% of them had died from accidental death by 2010 as a result of self harm.
4. It hurts the people who love you. And that’s a euphemism. It breaks their hearts. I admit, from the clouded side of depression and anxiety it’s hard to see that. You may just want them to understand your pain, or think they will just get over this and won’t really mind. They won’t. If you can’t resist the SH urges for yourself, resist them for the people you care for.
5. Bandaids/plasters and antiseptic cream can be rather expensive.
6. Your body just wants to be your best buddy and will keep on healing no matter what you do to it. It doesn’t hold a grudge, it doesn’t question why you’re damaging it. It works for you and does exactly what you ask it to. You owe it to your physical body to take care of it. You only have one (unless you come from the future and are reading this and it’s really easy to grow body parts or something.)

Well, yay, we now know self harm is bad. So, how do we stop it? Unfortunately, it’s not that easy. You can’t just stop doing it, just like you can’t stop the unpleasant emotions or the urges to self harm that may arise. You wouldn’t tell a mother who has lost her child to shut up and stop crying. Likewise, telling someone suffering from self harm to simply stop is less than helpful. It’s a way of dealing with pain, and of course it’s not an ideal way at all, but one has to learn how to take care of themselves and cope in a healthy manner, and that takes time and support. There are plenty of helplines out there for different countries, forums and chat sessions, don’t hesitate to contact them. It’s always good to see a mental-health professional. You can distract yourself through self care, for instance being social, watching TV or cute animal videos; and you can explore other ways to release emotions, whether it be writing, painting, a cold shower, screaming into the void, or telling someone.

The internet is filled with poems about self injury and the complicated feelings and emotions associated with them. While I can imagine acute phrases like each drop of blood is a silent scream for help that you are afraid to ask for and liquids of despair mix and trying to beat the devils out of my heat floating around somewhere, I decided to write an even more meaningful and poignant poem about SH. Enjoy, for I am a poetic master.

Stings in shower. / Itchy after a while. / Must go to supermarket for antiseptic cream / I said I fell, he said what, on a cheese grater? / It was a cat. / Knives are for carrots / Razors are for stubble / Matches are for birthday candles /  Nails are for manicures regardless of gender.

That’s all for today. Please, take care.

PS Sorry I didn’t publish anything last week, I actually had this topic written and ready for last Thursday, but mustn’t have saved it properly, as it vanished on me and went to lalaRIPinternetlanddatabaseunicornpoo, so I had to type this up all over again. Hopefully I haven’t forgotten anything.

H – Health

To me, ‘health’ is a giant can of worms – full fat, high sugar ones at that. It’s so confusing these days to understand what it really means to be ‘healthy,’ because we are constantly being inundated by approximately 129031209 million contradicting ideas. There are myths and studies, opinions and magazine articles, celebrities and chefs, all telling us different stuff. To be honest, most of them quite silly.

These include:

• Carbohydrates are evil
• Sugar is evil, so eat fake-sugar
• Fat is evil so get low-fat
• Don’t eat anything after dinner
• Full fat is better because it has less sugar, so low-fat is evil
• Exercise intensely for short periods of time
• Eat lots of small meals every day
• Meat protein is evil
• Eat lots of raw fish
• Eating before exercising is better
• Foods with grains in it are evil because cavemen didn’t eat them
• Dairy products are evil
• Super foods will turn you into an amazing person
• Gluten free stuff is healthier
• Eating fake-sugar makes you crave real sugar
• Exercise for long periods of time
• Eating after exercising is better
• Eat a few big meals every day
• Raw food gets rid of ‘toxins’
• Eat oatmeal and nothing else three times a day
• Meat protein is great because cavemen ate it

I could go on, but it gets rather boring, tedious and repetitious. Which of the above have truth to them? No clue. I’m not a doctor specialising in food nor a qualified nutritionist. (Although if I was bothered, I would argue against the majority of the above points.) But I do know a thing or two:*

• Health should be about health, not weight loss. A lower or higher weight is no indication of health and even if you are trying to lose weight, the weight loss shown on the scale would be a loss of water, body tissue and muscle, as well as fat. If you keep going too far, then your organs will shrink and your bones will become brittle and hollow. But it’s weight loss, which is apparently good, right? While we all know the health consequences of being too overweight or obese, not much attention is paid to the impact of being very underweight for a long period of time. Well, here you go: You’re much more likely to get an infection, have a heart attack, develop osteoporosis, suffer from infertility/a miscarriage, break bones more easily in a fall, have low blood sugar, an electrolyte imbalance, die, I could go on. It can be just as damaging as if not more deadly than obesity.** And yet most online BMI calculator pages recommend ways to lose weight, regardless of whether you play with the numbers and give yourself a BMI of 3.8 or 3704.4. “Achieving and maintaining a healthy weight,” hmm this article looks good. Oh wait, nope, it’s just on weight loss. Again.

• Body fat is not evil. Being obese is not good for you, duh, but fat helps keep our hair and skin healthy, it plays an important role in brain development and helps to prevent inflammation and blood clots. It keeps the organs warm and the energy from it can help you get through a strenuous job. Also, fat in food is nothing to be afraid of. While I do not advise eating a deep fried avocado slathered in butter with a side of olive-oil, full fat dairy products help you to absorb the calcium better, nuts won’t hurt you, and nor will cake. Or chips. Or anything. If you go to a buffet and have absolutely everything, you are not going to suddenly turn into a Totoro-like human (though you may feel like one for a few hours.) If you are gaining weight after being underweight, most of the weight gained isn’t fat anyway, it’s just your organs, muscles and bones becoming bigger/denser/awesomer.

• I don’t want to be too clichéd, but the proper way to go about health is BALANCE. (Yep, capital letters, it’s that important!) And the most important thing to know is that everyone has their own individual balance. Some people thrive on healthy foods and genuinely don’t like junk food, which I find a little strange, but as long as they are not posting about it on social media, their eating habits are none of my business. Others enjoy their junk food but go to the gym. You see, for some, balance is grilled fish and potatoes on one day and crumbed fish and hot chips another. For others, it’s a salad for lunch and Chinese noodles for dinner. It can be going to gym once a week but skipping it now and then if you’re too tired or are sick. It can be having a chocolate bar as an afternoon snack every day and fruit for morning tea. It can be going to a buffet lunch and being too full to eat dinner or do anything afterwards. It can be lying on the couch all day watching TV and eating crisps but running around with friends another day. It can be white bread, white rice, normal pasta, creamy sauces, alcohol, soft drinks, lollies and deep fried stuff, whatever, as long as you enjoy it and don’t have it in excess, and as long as you still have your wholemeal sandwich with veggies and mineral water. It can be midnight snacks at a sleepover and a healthy breakfast the next day. You can be imbalanced by eating nothing but junk food all the time, but you can also be imbalanced by only eating raw vegetables and beans (and you would also fart a lot.)

• It’s especially hard to make your health a priority when you have a mental illness, as so much stuff is in the way. But it’s soooo x 100000000  important. Your health is literally the most important thing in your life, because if you keep on getting sick and don’t take care of yourself, the resulting exhaustion and weakness will simply get in the way of doing the things that you enjoy and find important for yourself. So please, take care of yourself and your health, even if your head tells you not to.

*Actually, I know a lot of things, like how to do up shoelaces, how to pass 3 hours watching Youtube, and how to insult someone in German.

** For those who happen to be too underweight and reading this, I don’t mean to make you panic or worry. If you are getting help for what is causing the extreme weightloss, your body is strong and epic enough to get things back to normal without any long-lasting damage. (Like the smoking adverts – “every day you don’t smoke is doing you well” – every day that you eat what your body needs you are doing yourself a favour.)

Til next Thurday, take care. :o)

I – Ignorance

I don’t want to be that judgy-preachy person who criticises what other people say. I mean, it can be hard to know what to say when approached by someone in a difficult situation. It’s impossible to always say the right thing – if there even is a right thing. But sometimes the comments of ignorant and/or narrow minded people can hurt. It’s also hard when others don’t understand, or worse, refuse to.

So below are some common phrases people say and also some surefire-100%-foolproof things you can say back to them while appearing witty and intelligent.

To someone with an eating disorder that involves restriction and weight loss:

Don’t worry! Just eat and you’ll get better. –> Oh my gosh yes! That’s the cure! Yes, I will go eat and be fine now and recover completely. It’s a shame all those people who died from anorexia didn’t know that they could recover instantly from just eating!

You’re so skinny, I’m so jealous. –>  Please don’t say that. With this perceived ‘amazing’ skinniness, your hair falls out, you get a hairy stomach, it hurts to sleep because bones dig into you, people give you weird looks, you feel weak and faint all the time, you get addicted to not-eating, you forget what it feels like to be truly warm, you’re full of self-loathing, you bruise your spine and tailbone from sitting on a chair, you can’t concentrate, you ache, and you lose some friends. So don’t be jealous.

Can you give me any diet tips? I don’t like my stomach. –> Sure, it’s easy! First you have to get rid of your survival instinct, establish a fear of food, and develop a strong sense of self hatred. Force yourself to be cold, punish yourself after eating a meal, make sure you avoid anything nutritious, and pinch any fat parts of your body until they bruise. It’s lots of fun!

But there are children starving in Africa!  –> Well go to Africa and help them then! And next time you complain about your uni/school work or job, I will remind you how privileged you are to be able to even have an education/employment!

To someone with an eating disorder that involves binging:

But how can you have an eating disorder if you are aren’t underweight? –> The same way a person of any weight can get cancer. The same way humans come in all shapes and sizes. Many people with eating disorders can appear healthy or be overweight and still be extremely ill on the inside.

It’s just a little overeating, don’t worry about it. –> You are getting overeating and binging mixed up. I don’t think a whole tub of icecream and 500g of chocolate and 6 doughnuts past their used by date and someone’s leftovers is a ‘little overeating.’

Ohmigosh I binge all the time, I had two whole pieces of cake the other day! –> See above.

Just eat healthy food and go to the gym!  –> That’s like telling a a deaf person to listen harder. Or someone with cancer to just try chemotherapy. It’s not nearly as easy as it sounds.

To someone who self harms:

Stop! It’s dangerous!  –> I know it’s dangerous, and I would if I could! Unfortunately, you telling me to stop is about as effective as telling a rhino that’s charging you to ‘stop.’

To someone with depression and/or anxiety:

Stop being so selfish. –> (This also is a really hurtful one because generally we are all too aware of the impact we have on others, and often feel like burdens or a waste of space.) Sorry, I can’t. I enjoy being miserable and selfish and making others miserable. It’s my life’s calling.

It’s all in your head.  –>  So are brain tumours.

Just snap out of it.  –>  Just snap out of diabetes/cancer/a migraine/ebola.

We all get sad sometimes. –>  Yes, but your sadness goes away with time, you lucky bastard. Also, it’s not constantly mixed with a cocktail of hopelessness, grief, exhaustion, guilt, emptiness and loneliness.

Why do you just lie around all day and do nothing? –> Because there is a chemical imbalance in my brain that makes everything extremely hard to do. I didn’t choose this. I wish I could do more. But this is just as real for me as it is for someone who has lost a leg and you are accusing them of moving too slowly. 

It could be worse!  –> Imagine a mother who has two children and one dies. Tell her that: at least she has one child left! Could be worse!

Cheer up, you have so much going for you. –> (This is quite hurtful because it suggests that we should be ashamed and guilty of our feelings, which we can’t control.) Well, I would cheer up if you weren’t around. (OK so that’s a bit silly but whatever, it’s the internet, I can say what I want. Potato table platypus.)

It’s much more effective and appreciated if you say things like I’m here for you (if you intend to be), let me know how I can help (if you are open to suggestions), I still love you for who you are (for the romantics), I believe and have faith in you, I enjoy spending time with you. Or, if they like talking, you can simply listen. And maybe get a nice big hug out of it all.

‘Til next Thursday! :o)

D – Depression [An Interview]

Interviewer: Hello, I’m back! I must admit, I’m a bit nervous about this interview, considering what happened last time with Anxiety, but I don’t want to be bothered looking for a new job so I’m stuck here for now. It’s time to interview someone else, and our guest today is Depression. Welcome Depression, thanks for coming here.

Depression: . . .

Interviewer: How are you?

Depression:  . . .

Interviewer: Could you please tell us a bit about what you do?

Depression:  . . .

Interviewer: Um, maybe there is something in particular you would like to discuss today?

Depression:  . . .

Interviewer: You seem a bit distracted, could you look at the camera at least once please, just for a bit, so we can get a good shot of you?

Depression:  . . .

Interviewer: OK, never mind then… You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to, we can do this another time? Do you want to stop?

Depression: Sorry. I’m probably messing things up. Do you want me to go? There’s probably someone who can do it better than me.

Interviewer: No no no, it’s fine. Nothing to worry about. Please, we want you to stay, it’s you who we want to interview!

Depression: That’s nice of you to say. Sorry I was quiet earlier. I was so exhausted, as it takes a lot of energy to do anything. And when someone asks me how I am, I don’t know how to answer. If I say the truth, things get awkward. I’m tired of lying and saying I’m good when I’m not.

Interviewer: I’m sorry to hear you’re not doing too well. I guess it must not feel nice, being sad all the time?

Depression: It’s so much more than sad, dear Interviewer. I also feel an intense grief, emptiness, loneliness and hopelessness. I hate myself because I feel like this and I hate myself because it’s so hard to get out of this state. I feel sorry for the humans I touch, as they live with this every day, like me. Sometimes I feel nothing at all and so don’t care if I hurt myself.

Interviewer: Golly, that sounds awful. Is there anything we can do to help?

Depression: Different things work for different people. We are all individuals, after all. Some like to talk about it, and have someone simply listen to them without judgement. Others like advice and reassurance from those who have recovered. Some just want a distraction from it all, friends who don’t ask questions. A few want help but are too afraid to reach out. They should. It’s so nice to be free.

Interviewer: So recovery is possible?

Depression: Of course. Professionals, medication, and a supportive network are a great help.

Interviewer: Some people liken you to a black dog, but to me, personally, you look more like a dark stormy fog. You keep swirling around, and I think you’ve made the room a bit colder.

Depression: Sorry. Well, I guess I am both solid and something else. You carry the weight of me on your shoulders and the pain of me in your chest, while your brain becomes clouded as my black gas seeps into your eyes, nose and ears, dulling your senses. I sound more menacing than I actually am, because to be honest, I am afraid of myself too. I tend to weigh people down. Small actions that other humans take for granted, such as washing themselves, eating, going out, getting the chores done, become incredibly hard for those who have me around.

Interviewer: That sounds so difficult. But I admire your honesty, Depression. You describe yourself for what you are – an all encompassing illness.

Depression: Yes, I am an illness, and while I start in the mind, I can have physical repercussions. Yet an unfortunate part is that some people don’t believe that I exist. That I am simply a passing ghost of sadness, or a moody teenager, or a lazy adult wanting attention. That’s because you can’t see me when I am hanging over someone. I am invisible to all but the carrier.

Interviewer: Do you tend to settle on anyone in particular?

Depression: Nope. Any age or gender. Any religion or country. I often get drawn to young ones though, or those with low self esteem. While I feel guilty for touching so many individuals they tend to be more understanding, patient, and compassionate as a result of me. They are also extremely strong and resilient. The sad part is, they often don’t realise it. They also know they are not alone, but sometimes that’s not enough.

Interviewer: Let’s try a lighter question. How do you spend your time?

Depression: I fight my way through the day. Now and then I can’t help myself, and I stare into space and do nothing. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I do bad things to try and feel again. Sometimes I lie in bed. Occasionally I even go out for a drink, or fifty, with Anxiety, we cause a lot of havoc, ha. But hey, I came out here for the interview at least. Maybe when I get home I’ll have a bath. Some days are better. I can take care of myself, or I can appreciate the colours of the world.

Interviewer: Good on you. To be honest, that’s a weird imagine in my head, a dark cloud hovering in a bathtub!

Depression: It’s OK to be weird.

Interviewer: Well, thank you so much for coming, really, thank you. For showing up, for being brave, and letting us interview you.

Depression: No worries. It’s important for people to know the truth about me. And to know that if they work hard to take care of themselves, they can still have a fulfilling and magical life. They have to know they’re not allowed to give up.

Thanks for reading! :o) I will probably post once a week from now on, aiming for Thursdays!

D – Diet Industry

A More Appropriate Title Being: Idiotic Things ‘Health’ Magazines and ‘Fitness’ Individuals Say:

This is more of a rant than a blog article. Sorry not sorry. I’m writing this because it’s important to remember that not all advice and health messages are true, and in fact many can be damaging.

Let’s look at a person whose articles I only read in a newspaper magazine liftout if I feel like being angry for the rest of the day (in all honesty, sometimes it’s fun to be in a huff.) This person is a fitness trainer but also gives random advice on diet too, because she can. Her official Facebook thingy has over 834,000 followers, a fair amount of people, so let’s hope what she says is sensible and not in any way disordered!

Her talking on being fit:

Is the reward for your physical efforts fun?  Yes. Is enjoying the payoffs of your fit physique enjoyable? Absolutely. Is the point in your training session where your muscles are screaming at you and you’re headed for the vomit zone fun? No.

So… exercising to the point of wanting to vomit is normal? Why don’t gyms provide buckets then, next to all the exercise bikes? Also if I was (able) to swim crazily enough to need to throw up, that’d be really gross. And inconsiderate of others using the pool. And did I mention gross?

Her recommendation for a fun snack:

What I call my “legume extravaganza”: 10 snow peas, 10 sugar snap peas and 10 green beans. Just 210 kilojoules the lot!

Apparently thirty beans is a great fun happy snack that everyone will love, I bet it gives you loads of energy and doesn’t leave you feeling miserable and hungry at all. Eat thirty beans and you will be popular and have lots of friends. You may also fart a lot.

What is her “Secret Vice“?

Dark chocolate, any kind, the darker the better. I’d have a square every couple of days with a cup of tea.

Oh, the shame and scandal of it all! Blasphemy! The horror! Heresy! That’s too much! Desecration! She sounds SO indulgent, she better keep on track of this huge chocolate consumption otherwise it may spiral out of hand!!!! God forbid she has a WHOLE square EVERY day!!!!!!

But maybe it’s just her, surely there are more sensible, informed people out there who advise the masses?

Take a male doctor I read about, he’s a doctor, so here’s hoping! He had a show named “The Truth About Calories,” and an article about the show mentioned his “Golden Rules on How to Prevent Weight Gain”:

Leave half the chips on your plate and mop the oil off those you do eat.

It’s important to note when I was in the grips of an eating disorder I did a similar behaviour, dabbing the oil off things like pizza and fish. In my opinion, and I am sure experts in eating disorders would agree, rubbing the oil off food (when you’re out in a restaurant?!) is disordered.

Oh, it just said on Wikipedia that this doctor is a doctor… of infectious diseases. How brilliant, then, that he is giving us advice on how to eat!

 

How about this other lady doctor whose articles I read, she is a nutritionist who gives advice to people who have told her what they eat in a day. Let’s see…

A presenter from MTV mentioned what they had for breakfast: rolled oats with banana, blueberries, raspberries, yoghurt, cinnamon, psyllium husk, LSA [linseed, sunflower and almond] mix and a tablespoon of coconut oil; and in the arvo: dark chocolate – or a Milky Way! For dinner, it’s: baked salmon fillet rubbed with coconut oil and pepper, plus peas, steamed broccoli and cauliflower. 

They also have ice-cream, a green salad for lunch, and coffee, so in my personal opinion they seem normal, healthy, not restrictive. They don’t have any carbohydrates (like bread, rice or pasta) after breakfast, but I’m not here to judge their diet. Nutritionist Lady is! And what does she say?

Her dark-chocolate snack… is a better choice than the Milky Way.

No shit Sherlock. But when you eat chocolate, it’s a treat, and there’s no point eating chocolate if it’s just for health.

Salmon is a top source of omega-3 fats, but I wouldn’t add coconut oil, which is simply more fat; the natural fats present are enough to cook it. 

How dare the TV presenter add extra fat to their meal!!! I guess all fish from now on will have to be fried, grilled or baked with only water and juice! Om nom nom. Things deep fried in water are the best.

In another ‘My Day on A Plate,’ the chairman of a cookie company, called Gordon, describes his meals and snacks. After a long day, it’s time for a dessert. I indulge in a sticky date and ginger cookie with vanilla ice-cream.

Nutritionist Lady’s response to this part is:

If Gordon has his weight under control, there’s no problem with the cookie treats.

Therefore, say Gordon is fat, he is not allowed any cookies. At all. Until he loses weight. He has to restrict on all treats (even though this may make him binge on them eventually.) And let’s say your weight is “out of control” because of medication, because of genetics, or because of poverty, no more cookies for you. Ever.

Maybe someone else? A popular chef? He’s no doctor, but still claims his paleo diet will “cure autism.” Do you know someone who is has autism? Give them some bone broth and they will get better! Yay! Apparently it’s that simple!

Maybe you have an autistic toddler? Popular Chef has just the thing for you! Well… he did. He published a book “Bubba Yum Yum: The Paleo Way For New Mums, Babies & Toddlers,” but it kind of got recalled by health experts because it literally had the potential to kill babies with its recipes.

I could go on, but I give up.

When you see a product or recommendation, try and remember whether they are actually certified, or they are just doing it for money and their image.

L – Loneliness

We are always, at some point in our life, going to feel lonely. There’s not always going to be someone right by our side, unless we have superglued them there against their will.

While this is a part of living (being alone, that is, not superglueing people), it gets a lot harder if you’re suffering from a mental illness, because with it comes an extra layer of isolation, self-criticism and loneliness. No one seems to understand exactly what chaos is going on in your mind, or what it feels like to have overwhelming thoughts that plague you every day. It’s hard to truthfully answer the question “how are you?” It’s difficult to rock up to school, uni, work, and put on a brave face when you just want to run away, hide and curl up in a scared little ball of human vulnerability.

Yet there are always positive pictures and stuff, saying “you are not alone in this!” and while they may sometimes seem too cheerful, they are actually true.

Because over the years I’ve learnt something important. No matter how lonely you feel, when it comes to mental illness, there is ALWAYS someone out there who is experiencing the same emotions, fears, thoughts and feelings as you.*

You could comprehend this by looking at it from a statistical perspective (which can be boring or fascinating depending on your interests.) I got stuff from a few different countries to try and encompass the scale of it all:

-350 million people worldwide suffer from depression

-Approximately 14% of Australians will be affected by an anxiety disorder in any 12-month period

-Over 18% of the population in the USA suffers from an anxiety disorder

-In Australia, approximately 1 in 100 adolescent girls develops anorexia nervosa

-Around 1 in 20 people in the UK will be suffering from a type of personality disorder at any given time

-Eating disorders are a daily struggle for 10 million females and 1 million males in the USA

-In Australia, suicide was the leading cause of death for people under 44, a rate higher than road accidents or cancer.

 -Around 1.5 million people worldwide have schizophrenia

-In Australia, 1 in 12 people between the ages of 15-24 engage in self-harm

-The incidence of bulimia nervosa in the Australian population is more than 5 in 100. 

…Ok, this is getting rather depressing, so I’ll stop. But statistically speaking, you are not alone! You have number friends!

You can also look at it from personal experiences. Here are some of the times I thought I was utterly alone in a thought, behaviour or fear, but turned out not to be:

 ~ Crying in The Shower: One night, while people partied away in the city, I was squatting in my own shower, crying my heart out. The events of that week had been too much for me to bear, and the many fears about my future threatened to engulf me. Shower water mixed with tears and I felt utterly alone and pretty pathetic. The next day, in group therapy, a girl was describing how she had trouble dealing with the aftermath of a challenging dinner. She said she was having a shower and then just started crying and crying and couldn’t stop. Somehow, on the same night, at the same time, someone else was crying in their shower too, just as I was, over similar fears. There’s probably more shower-criers out there.

~ Binge Eating: the time I ate $30 worth of cashew nuts and was called disgusting, the times I picked up and ate food from the footpath, the times I furtively ate scraps from the household rubbish bin, the times I secretly ate other people’s leftovers, the times I asked to borrow money so I could spend more on food when going home… I could go on. I thought I was alone in what I perceived as disgusting greed. Turns out, somewhere out there is a person who ate their sister’s wedding cake. There is a person who pretended to have children so she could buy more sweets from the shop. There are people who, like me, hated themselves as they bought a family’s load worth of groceries from the supermarket and then ate it all that afternoon, simply unable to stop themselves. There are people who threw out their binge foods in an attempt to stop the behaviour, only to go back out, fish it up and eat it all. I met some wonderful people when I was in hospital, but my homies were the ones who had suffered from binge cycles and knew what the secrecy and shame felt like.

~ Opening Up: I was on exchange overseas. On the train after class, a friend I had recently made at the uni was having fun stalking through my old Facebook photos. “You look really different in this one,” she commented, pointing to a two year old photo of an underweight-me. “I was sick,” I answered, trying to play it down. She  (melodramatic warning, but honestly true for me) then said two words that I won’t forget: “Me too.” We then quietly told each other our stories and our struggles. Despite knowing her for only a few weeks, she was the one who held me in the girls bathroom when I was sobbing, terrified by suicidal thoughts. I had blubbered at her, asking if she minded my snotty face and irrational thoughts. She didn’t, because she had been there too.

 

This realisation that we’re not alone in our suffering can sometimes come with feelings of sadness and distress. It’s not fair, nor is it a nice thought, to know that there are other innocent people out there struggling too, who feel the same pain you do.

But I, at least, feel less lost when I know that there are so many individuals who, like me, are labouring on a daily basis for things that seem invisible to many others. I am losing count of the amount of times I have opened up to someone and told them my ‘issues’, only to have them admit their struggles too. People who I thought had it all together, who seemed confident, happy and carefree, I now know have had, currently suffer from, or are recovering from: anxiety, eating disorders, depression, BPD, hallucinations, self harm, trauma, PTSD and bipolar. I have high-fived a guy I met because after 5 minutes of talking we found out we went to the same hospital. I have read so many stories of people who have low self esteem, self hatred, addictions and unsure of their futures. There’s a reason why many mental health services have a waiting list…

Trust me, you are definitely not alone, nor will you ever be.

* Of course, if you were to test this by going out and riding a unicycle through the snow wearing nothing but purple gumboots and balancing a potato on your head or something, and shouting “I HAVE A MOOD DISORDER,” it could be said that your experience is unique.

** Source: Google.

A – Anxiety [An Interview]

Interviewer: Good evening everyone, today I have been given the pleasure of interviewing Anxiety. Anxiety, thanks for joining us, how are you?

Anxiety: You know, that was a really rubbish introduction. I hope not all your interviews start as lamely as this.

Interviewer: Um… that’s not very nice. But anyway, tell us, what are you up to these days?

Anxiety: You should also sit up, slouching like that your stomach looks really awful, it’s poking out like a sack of potatoes. You should suck your stomach in or the whole camera crew will start talking about you behind your back. Also your suit is really ugly. Then again, I don’t think you could wear anything that would make you look good.

Interviewer: What are you talking about? I don’t know whether I want to continue interviewing you… You’re quite critical, you know that?

Anxiety: Well DUH. Took you long enough. You’re pretty slow and dumb for your age. Also, let’s turn the heating up, and please put on this really tight nylon onesie. I don’t like the way you’re breathing normally as if everything’s OK. There could be danger anywhere. DANGER!!!

Interviewer: Maybe not, I think that’s enough for today. Um, thanks for your time, please don’t come back.

Anxiety: Lol you think you can get rid of me just like that? Gosh you’re an idiot.

Interviewer: What do you mean? Please leave now!!

Anxiety: I can’t. Doofus. You have a weird voice. Have you ever realised that?

Interview: Please go, you’re making me feel really uncomfortable.

Anxiety: Ha, you think this is uncomfortable? Just you wait. *gets up and randomly sits on interviewers’ chest, squishing them.* How does that feel?

Interviewer: Argh, I can barely breathe with you here. Also you’re kind of heavy and my chest is almost hurting from your weight. Get off and go! Give me the nylon onesie instead!

Anxiety: You listen to me. I am a parasite. You can’t get rid of me that easily. No one can, no matter how much they want to.

Interviewer: This interview is turning out more… negative than I expected.

Anxiety: What did you expect, dumbo? I am perfectably capable of being a debilitating disorder. I am not just a phase or a passing thought.

Interviewer: Do you mean to say that there are people have to put up with you constantly?

Anxiety: Yep, lots of people. I can make you feel worried, scared and nauseous about everything and nothing. Sometimes just a little bit, and sometimes a whole lot. I can make you feel like a ticking bomb. You’re lucky, you ungrateful human interviewer, because you are just meeting me in fleeting. Imagine putting up with me every second of every day.

Interviewer: I don’t think I want to. Why do you exist then, if you just make people miserable, tense and criticize them all the time?

Anxiety: Some chemical imbalance in the brain or something, sometimes a response to trauma, or sometimes just for the lols because the person already has a head full of worries and it’s amusing to make it worse.

Interviewer: Ugh… How can someone get rid of you then?

Anxiety: People try all sorts of things! I admire their creativity, but of course I would never tell them that. I will just remind them that they a failure for something-or-rather, anything I can find. Some people take medication, which makes me sleepy, but most of the time I’m still there, throwing a party in their stomach. Or lungs. Or head. Or bowels. With really loud doof-doof music they can’t ignore. Some people resort to behaviours or addictions, to get rid of me for a few minutes. These ways are easy and quick, but end up making me stronger!

Interviewer: Oh no!

Anxiety: Oh yes! Of course, there are ways to get rid of me fully, but that takes time, bravery, practice, resilience and lots of effort. Once someone knows how to deal with me, I eventually give them a bit of space. Although, now and then, if someone has fought me off almost completely, I’ll come back some months or years later down the road, give them a little fright, throw them a surprise party. But they are able to throw me off soon enough.

Interviewer: You seem to like parties…

Anxiety: Oh yeah! I love all the chaos and noise. It’s so fun to make people terrified.

Interviewer: Don’t you ever just go away one day?

Anxiety: Not really. I much prefer to argue with someone. I’ll make you feel worthless, and it’s your job to shout back at me that no, you’re not worthless, you’re valuable and loved. I’ll try and stop you from going out and doing fun things, so you’ll have to ignore that and push through the fear and do the fun things anyway. I’ll make you feel like you’re all tied up, and you’ll have to breathe your way out of the knots. Keep this up, keep arguing back at me with actions and thoughts, keep proving me wrong, and then we’ll see.

Interviewer: I feel sorry for those that have to live with you. People must be really strong to deal with you.

Anxiety: And you’re a weak sissy. But yeah, putting up with me is a 24/7 job with no holidays or leave. I tell them that they are weak, but I must admit, anyone who puts up with me is pretty resilient. They just need to know how and keep at it.

Interviewer: Anyway, we are actually (finally!) out of time now. It wasn’t a pleasure to know you, I hope I never see you again.

Anxiety: Bye, loser. You never know. It can happen to anyone, anywhere. By the way, you’re a rubbish interviewer.

Interviewer: No I’m not. I think I did OK.

Anxiety: That’s the spirit.

W – Weight

“OMG gurlfriend hai bae wattup ILY 4evargghhh BTW didya lose weight LOL WTH you look faaaab wish I could diet like u LMAO ROFL TTYL BBQ GDP DVD GST VAT #hashtag”

Above you have an example of a strange sentence that doesn’t make much sense. Below are two more sentences that make even less sense when you consider how they are said. Which of the following would be a compliment, and which would be an insult?

“You are so fat!”

“You are so skinny!”

Why? Why is it that the first statement is used so often as something negative, and the second as something positive? Why is that someone is “fat but nice,” yet someone else is “pretty and thin”?

I am naturally slim and comments like this still kind of annoy me. A girl I met the other day called me “beautiful and skinny.” While it was very nice of her to call me beautiful, I don’t get why these two words should be synonymous to her. I hope I don’t come across as ungrateful, but the comment did make me uncomfortable because it seemed to be conveying the impression that if I weren’t slim, I wouldn’t be beautiful.

Why is losing weight seen as an achievement, and gaining weight looked down upon? If you are on a diet with a ratio of bacon:lettuce of 500:1, that’s fine wanting to make changes for your organs and blood. If you collapse after walking up three steps, good on you for wanting to run and improve your heart strength. If you like the look of Schwarzenegger muscles and want to be able to pick up a horse with your pinky, feel free to lift weights. If you are a healthy weight to begin with, any fitness goals should be about, well, fitness, NOT just losing kilograms/pounds (yes, I am inclusive of both systems!) Yet these days it seems to be only about weight loss. Kind of boring and limiting really. And the saddest thing is people seem to be doing it not for themselves and their health, but rather for bullies, for society, or to impress someone. Or maybe they’re just doing it because everyone else is doing it.

I have never ever seen a mainstream article about a woman commenting how proud she was of the weight she gained from being pregnant. I have never ever seen a mainstream article about someone who has purposely gained weight that shows the diet and exercise that helped them to get there. There are expensive diet products everybloodywhere, from the supermarket to the chemist, meanwhile the only nutritional supplements I can think of are Sustagen, Fortisip, Ensure (and Milo?) For every 29034823904790725.06 articles there are on weight loss, there are ZERO articles on how to gain weight. Recovering from anorexia? Suffering from stress and not having time to get the nutrients you need? Depressed with a low appetite? Anxious and nauseous as a result of illness or trauma? Too bad, you will continue to be inundated with dodgy weight loss tips and have to figure out the milestones of weight gain on your own.

But going back to comments on someone’s weight and/or weight loss/gain… There are a million much more genuine appearance based compliments you can give someone about that has nothing to with weight. Their eyes, hair, smile, toes, skin, nostrils, belly-button, teeth, accessories, posture, smell, lips, face, neck, fashion, nails, eyelashes, nose, feet… and then of course compliments about them as a person: their personalities, intelligence, achievements, their voice and laugh, their skills and qualities. For example, if you are reading this, well done! You are literate, command a reasonable vocabulary of English, and are spending your spare (or work?) time well ;o)

But in the end, you can be fat and beautiful, skinny and beautiful, skinny and ugly, fat and ugly, in between it all, a cat, a talking turnip, or a stuffed teddy bear, and in the end, if you’re overall physically healthy, it doesn’t matter. See, there’s a quote that goes: When you die, you’re going to be remembered for what you did with your life, not what you did with your body.

Sorry if this is a bit ranty, but hey, it’s the internet, I can say whatever I want.

Feel free to comment and share!

S – Self Esteem

Are You a Bad Person? Use the following foolproof guide to find out!

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON IF…

You are underweight, overweight, an average weight, slim, plump, curvy, skinny, short, tall, an average height, eat a lot, eat a little, eat a normal amount, have trouble eating, eat too much, have fluro blue skin, or have one eye. Your value as a person should not be defined by your outward appearance. While it is important to be healthy* and your illness may get in the way of this, how you look does not affect you as a person. Your intelligence, friendliness, hobbies, passions, wishes, loves, achievements, kindness, crushes, extreme fandom of particular TV-shows, dreams and wit far outweigh any ‘flaws’ with your appearance.

*(NB I mean normal healthy; not magazine-activated-almond-kale-eggwhite-rawmeat-grass-mudshake-instagramworkout-healthy.)

YOU ARE A BAD PERSON IF…

You kick puppies.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON IF…

You need a lot of emotional help and support. It’s ok to not be completely independent, we’re human and need friends and family to reassure and comfort us. With a mental illness (or two, or three, thanks Mr Comorbidity) it can be really hard to manage, and you may need significantly more support than someone who doesn’t go through what you do everyday. This does not make you weak nor a burden! You don’t have to keep it all to yourself. It’s not a bad thing to reach out, in fact it’s brave and helpful. If you have trouble finding someone to talk to in person, don’t forget the wealth of resources available online, such as forums and professional chatlines such as Lifeline, Beyond Blue, SANE, and Butterfly Foundation.

YOU ARE A BAD PERSON IF…

You punch babies.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON IF…

You relapse. It doesn’t make you any weaker or less capable than anyone else. It just means the monsters in your head happen to be particularly resilient and aren’t going to be kicked out that easily… stubborn bastards! Hopefully you have the resources and support available to help you get out of this rut so you can continue forward on your journey.

YOU ARE A BAD PERSON IF…

You purposely set people on fire.

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON IF…

You are taking medication for your mental health. Have you ever gone on antibiotics, taken travel sickness pills, bought painkillers, had some Panadol or Nurofen or aspirin, been jabbed by a vaccine, forced down cough syrup, used a puffer, injected insulin, used eye/ear drops, been on the pill, had some random yucky liquid as a child, or munched on vitamin and mineral tablets? If none of these at all, you are probably superhuman or alien, and I welcome you to Earth. We’re a bit odd here, but most of us are friendly enough.

But I digress… if you, dear reader, have ever taken any form of medication, or know someone who has, remember that meds for your mind shouldn’t be seen as something shameful or embarrassing. You take medication and get treatment for your sore stomach, your itchy eyes, etc. and it’s damn mediocre. So why shouldn’t you take medication for your brain to repair any chemistry imbalances?

YOU ARE A BAD PERSON IF…

You kill an innocent stranger slowly and painfully for the lols.**

YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON IF…

You take longer to get things done than other people. Life is not a race. I have to remind myself this, to be honest, but it’s getting better over time, as I realise that the whole ‘milestone’ things of life: school-university-fulltimejob-car-moveout-career-partner-marriage-children -ownhouse (in any particular order) don’t have to happen right away. Being chronically sick and/or mentally unwell can slow things down, and you may feel behind in comparison to your age group or group of friends. It’s ok to study part time. It’s ok to take time off work. It’s alright to ask for special considerations when doing school work. There’s no point ignoring your health for years so you can achieve things quickly if at the end of it all you die or end up in hospital for a long period of time. Recovery is a full-time job in itself, so you’re already achieving something incredibly important anyway.

This is my first post, I hope you like it.

Feel free to share and comment! :o)

Remember, you’re a good person.

**You may need some help if this statement applies to you.